First Swimsuit in 15+ years…

Ugh. I did it.

I didn’t wanna do it, but it had to be done. The magical years of fun with my children seem to be whizzing by, and I don’t want to be remembered as the mom always standing at the edge taking photos because I hated water.

I still hate water — for extremely valid, extremely personal reasons that have nothing to do with what I look like. But…I’m finally willing to get in, if it means my kids will have a better memory out of that day to keep with them always.

That said, I was completely unprepared for life in swimsuits after having children. Or after losing weight. I knew some of my body parts would be…displaced…a bit, and I was prepared for the pooch of extra skin around my middle. But covering one’s boobs seems like a simple task, right? If you’re 5’0″ tall, not so much. In my recent quest to obtain a simple, PG-rated suit, even the ones recommended for D-cups had ginormous cleavage plunges I wasn’t comfortable wearing. (I’m actually a 36G, but apparently the only recommendation for that is a bulky t-shirt.)

I’m okay with women who are proud of their curves and all that, but here’s the thing…

old-fashioned swimwear

I’d honestly be totally okay with wearing one of these. Maybe with a sarong over it for good measure. (Photo credit: Library of Congress)

Just like getting into the water slowly and letting one’s body acclimate to the new temperature, I’m still getting my toes wet with this whole not-being-obese-anymore thing.

Also, I’m sort of a prude anyway when it comes to my own body. I don’t feel like I’d have a very good time playing in the water with my kids if I were constantly fidgeting and rearranging the “girls” so nothing pops out unexpectedly.

Of course, since it’s already halfway through July, stores are sold out of everything that might fit me. Since my top half is so much bigger than my bottom half, I realized I’m probably safest sticking with a high-necked tankini combo or a swim dress. God, even the term “swim dress” sounds dowdy, but in the end, it was the only thing I could find online with decent reviews that I thought I could live with. Because we’re traveling at the end of next week, I don’t have time to return or exchange if it comes in the mail and isn’t right at all, so I erred on the side of too big and figured I can pin it or do some quick alterations if I have to in the eleventh hour.

swim dress

I can pretty much guarantee I will not stand with my arm like that for even a moment when I am wearing this.

The photo on the right is what I finally ordered. I’m shorter and rounder than the model, of course, so it won’t rest that same way on me, but I’m encouraged by the racerback design that the straps won’t stretch out and hang longer after the material gets full of water. And the skirt seems very straight instead of full or ruffly, which is great because I have absolutely no butt and I don’t want to look like I’m wearing a poodle skirt.

So…we’ll see what happens when it arrives. Will I wear it and go on the family swimming pool excursions? Or will I stuff it into a drawer, write it off as yet another supporting reason why I was not meant for water, and keep going on the way I have for so many years?

Only time (and the UPS truck) will bring the answer.

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